Post by Konrad Raab on Sept 11, 2019 21:12:32 GMT
After the Adrenaline title match. Saitama and Tokyo, Japan. Wednesday 9th May. (Off camera)
Konrad came to the locker room with his head down, trying to hold back the tears about the loss because it devastated him. He knew he failed and all he did was taking his wrestling gear on, putting on his normal clothes and left the arena straight away before Breakdown even finished. He got in his car and drove back to his home in Tokyo since he only lived forty minutes away from Satima. He parked his car in his own garage and locks it up before he heads back to his home and finds a place in the corner of the room without wanting to turn the lights on and he sits down in the corner of the living room and he cries.
Konrad Raab: “What's the point of me being in title matches if I keep failing every fucking time? I'm sick of the whole picking myself back up garbage people keep saying to me time and time again because that won't fix it. I tried so hard, but it lands me back where I belong, in the losing category.”
At this point in time, Konrad wasn't able to handle a loss very well and it crushed him to another level as he faces directly at the wall in the dark without even caring about the Breakdown event itself. He knew the fans voted for him, but the problem was he felt let down and it sent him into a very deep severe depression.
Konrad Raab: “I lashed out at a lot of people tonight and I feel I can never walk back into those SCW doors. I need time away from SCW for a few weeks to get my head together. I'm done and quit chasing for titles because the fact is, it's no use to me.”
It was of course, down to the argument he had with many SCW was another thing that crushed him as tears are on the floor, even on the walls cos of Konrad at times bashing his head towards it and instead of bitching and complaining on Twitter over a loss, he was bitching at himself for losing. He sees that the decision he made on Twitter was the right one to make.
Konrad Raab: “They wanted me in the rumble and I couldn't do it. I couldn't sign myself up to do something I have no confidence in doing. If I won the title from Andrew tonight, things would've been different. I clearly backed up that I wasn't ready to be in the Rumble match. Trying to run away from it. I will only come back to SCW if I have to.”
Konrad nods as he mostly was beating himself so badly that he started to think of suicidal attempts to himself like checking if he had any weapons in his pocket. Of course he didn't, but however, he starts to bite on his left arm, trying to make himself feel better, to feel pain and suffering he's going through and speaks.
Konrad Raab: “This pain is good to me. It's good to feel pain when you're mentally in pain as it is. There's no use for me to be alive in the wrestling business anymore. If only I could get myself pissed tonight, but I can't cos of travelling to England tomorrow night. Tonight will be the last time they see me SCW backstage because I need to be with my family.”
It was true, Konrad hadn't had any family time with them for quite some time and that's something that could be fixed. It could be fixed that instead of going to the shows every single week, he will be at home with family until he has a reason to be at SCW arenas. Konrad after biting his hand didn't do anything, although he tried to bite his arm in his skin to bleed, all he had was teeth marks, although now because he was crying so much, he had a headache as he speaks.
Konrad Raab: “I'm getting better each time I feel pain whether it's on my arms or my head, it's making the situation feel so much better already. Oh fuck it, I know I shouldn't go out to get pissed, but I'm going to because it's not like SCW stars are going to know, they'll likely stay in Saitama after the show. I'm gonna get hammered tonight.”
Konrad gets up from sitting in the corner of the floor and leaves his apartment to head down to the pub and drinking nothing, but ten pints of beer which by that time, he got himself so pissed that he could barely walk home. He didn't chat to anybody, other than feeling in the dumps and not giving a damn about anything cos he was so severely depressed.
Konrad Raab: “Go ahead and fucking laugh at me for a title loss because I'm a worthless piece of trash wrestler who failed to win a title and fails to win at life in wrestling.”
He was so drunk that he was pissing in an alleyway against the wall for three minutes, thinking negative thoughts of himself being worthless and a loser over and over again while pissing. After that, he walked home so drunk that when he got home, he vomits in the toilet right away, giving no care for himself at all, especially when he didn't even take a shower after the match because it wasn't important for him, but now not only he was smelling of his own body odour, but was smelling of alcohol pretty bad.
He then walks into the bedroom and when he got to his bed, he passes out and hitting his head on the floor pretty hard on the middle of the floor because he was so intoxicated from alcohol that he slept on the floor. He got rid of his hangover by vomiting again in the morning before leaving for England at night.
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Karate lessons talk with his son. Anaheim, California. Saturday 12th May. (Off camera)
Ever since he lost the Adrenaline title match, he's clearly out of his mind, going crazy with his thoughts on his complete lack of self-esteem that hit him clearly really hard and he still hadn't gotten over it mentally as he hasn't been eating very well since the loss of the match, even making himself sick over it as well. Konrad was at a complete loss where he could go with his SCW career now as he always knew there was no point of taking part in the rumble where it was clearly seen Konrad wasn't ready to take part in a match that involves winning a title shot.
However for the first time in a long time, it wasn't about him today as Fizz woke up as so did Konrad who was sitting on his bed, thinking what was said to him last Thursday about his son wanting to do Karate and of course, Fizz knew she wanted him to do something more constructive than feeling bad about the Adrenaline title loss and she says this.
Fizz Raab: “So you going to talk to Roderick?”
Konrad Raab: “Yes, that's exactly why I'm getting up now to have a private word with him.”
Fizz Raab: “I want you to take part in the karate lessons with him.”
Konrad Raab: “Why?”
Fizz Raab: “Because when I looked up Karate, it will boost your self-esteem. You need to do Karate to take your mind off the loss you had with Andrew Raynes as you're still down in the dumps about it.”
Konrad Raab: “Of course I am, wouldn't you be if you worked so hard to earn an opportunity only to fucking fail? I'm a failure at wrestling.”
Fizz Raab: “See, this is why you need to get out of the house and today is a perfect day as I looked up the nearest Karate lessons and they do family Saturday sessions. I can't go obviously, but you need to do them cos Kata they do is something you can learn from.”
Konrad had one session in his life from his parents encouraging him to go, but this was a very different situation as it wasn't Konrad or Fizz's idea this time, it was Roderick's and of course, Fizz knew she wasn't a fan of her kids fighting, even though she and Konrad do themselves, but she treasures her kids more than anything as Konrad asks a question.
Konrad Raab: “What's Kata?”
Fizz Raab: “It's where people do breathing techniques with their arm and feet movements to help them calm down along with working on themselves mentally and that's what you need, something like that to help you be better. Heck, you even said you wanted to spend time with your kids many times.”
Konrad Raab: “I do.”
Fizz Raab: “Then go to Roderick's bedroom, talk about it with him and take him to his karate class and do it with him.”
Konrad nods as Fizz's right, he did want to spend a lot more time with his children and it seemed like today was a perfect day to do so, especially when he'd most likely be at home, crying and hating himself for the Adrenaline title loss. He gets himself changed since he had completely neglected his self-care and leaves the bedroom to go to Roderick's room and knocks on the door. Roderick goes to open the door and says this.
Roderick Raab: “Daddy.”
Konrad Raab: “We need to talk alone, can I come in?”
Roderick Raab: “Yes.”
Konrad closes the door behind him as he could tell the look on Roderick's face on not really knowing what his dad wants to talk about and that he could be in trouble as he asks this while they sit on the bed.
Roderick Raab: “Am I in trouble?”
Konrad Raab: “No.”
Roderick Raab: “What do we need to talk about?”
It was a long pause for a second as he was still trying to get the loss out of his head which was impossible to do and he remembered just now what he wanted to talk to Roderick about and he goes right ahead and discuss it.
Konrad Raab: “Do you remember when you told mummy you want to do Karate?”
Roderick Raab: “Yes.”
Konrad Raab: “Well I have spoken to mummy last week about it. She was unsure because she's worried about you getting hurt. I know what me and mummy do is apart of the sports we're in but I can trust you enough you won't use karate as grounds to start fights.”
Roderick Raab: “Not to start fights. I want to do karate so won't have to fight.”
Konrad Raab: “That's exactly what I wanted to hear. Is it cos your friends are doing it or cos me and mummy fight?”
Roderick Raab: “Because my friends do it and you and mummy fight too.”
That shocked Konrad, for the first time in his life, he could very well have a son following in his or his mummy's footsteps and that got him slightly worried, it was why Fizz got worried as well after hearing that because he didn't want to be a major influence on his kids. Konrad near enough shut down just a moment until Roderick sees Konrad could reject the idea of it as he asks.
Roderick Raab: “Am I not allowed to?”
Konrad Raab: “You are and that's why I'm coming with you to do karate.”
Roderick Raab: “Daddy doing karate too?”
Konrad Raab: “Yes because I want to spend time with you today as I'm your dad and I feel like I haven't done a whole lot of that. I spend too much time wrestling and taking to Mattheus to races that I need to do more things with you.”
Roderick Raab: “YAY, I love you.”
Konrad Raab: “I love you too. Now you get changed and come downstairs for something to eat before we go together.”
Konrad hugged Roderick pretty hard because of how much he treasures his second eldest son who he feels bad not doing anything with very much because of how busy he was and he kisses him as well that he was actually doing something good for once. It wasn't about him or about wrestling as not one single discussion there was about wrestling or Konrad, was about his son wanting to do karate as he grabs Roderick's empty bag because to place their clothes in since they were going to buy gi's and memberships today and he leaves the bedroom to allow Roderick to get himself ready.
Konrad went downstairs and places his and Roderick's rucksacks to the door and places them there before he goes into the kitchen to eat his breakfast as he waits for Roderick to appear and comes downstairs to eat his as well and the day of him spending time with his dad alone without Mattheus around will mean a lot for the pair of them and Roderick says this.
Roderick Raab: “I cannot wait to spend time with you.”
Konrad Raab: “Me either. I need to get out of the house anyway, especially this is a good reason for me that it'll benefit me doing Karate with you as well.”
Roderick Raab: “You can sit and watch me.”
Konrad Raab: “Mummy told me something I need to do in Karate right now and besides, I really want to do Karate with you. It'll make me feel good doing something with you.”
It was at that point that Fizz came down, even if it was a struggle getting down the stairs these days with being very heavily pregnant and needed help to get out of bed at times as she smiles, seeing Konrad and Roderick having time together just from eating breakfast themselves, more so Fizz was happy for Konrad to eat anything at all, even if it's just an apple, still was something going in him and Roderick's eating coco pops and an orange. Once they finished eating, both of them got glasses out and poured orange juice with water in and take them to the dining table to drink as Fizz walks closer and Roderick says this.
Roderick Raab: “Morning mummy.”
Fizz Raab: “Morning, you had a good sleep?”
Roderick Raab: “Yes thank you. Daddy's taking me to Karate.”
Fizz Raab: “Oh I know, so exciting, isn't it?”
Roderick Raab: “Yes, spending time with my daddy is going to be great.”
Fizz goes closer to Konrad who of course overheard everything and tries to hide the disappointment about the match and she whispers in his ear.
Fizz Raab: “Remember it's about Roderick and you, not wrestling and the loss you had with a title match, alright?”
Konrad nods as he receives a kiss on his left cheek from Fizz and she's very careful of what she eats also eats fruit as well, but a banana since she had to be healthy for the twins growing up in her that were nearly close to her giving birth the end of next month. Konrad and Roderick finished drinking their orange juice to place their glasses in the sink and goes towards the front door to pick up their stuff along with car keys and Konrad go into the safe that's locked and secured with a password to get some money before he leaves and Roderick says this while hugging and kissing his mummy as Konrad unlocks the car.
Roderick Raab: “Bye mummy.”
Fizz Raab: “Bye Roderick, be a good boy for daddy and do your best.”
While Roderick gets in the car with his belt on, Konrad wanting to have a bit of a cuddle time with Fizz along with rubbing her stomach and gives her a snog on her lips and says this.
Konrad Raab: “Thank you.”
Fizz Raab: “For what?”
Konrad Raab: “Encouraging me to spend time with Roderick and getting me out of the house. I see you later.”
Fizz waves at Konrad as he leaves the house along with taking rucksacks with them and he closes the door behind him and places the rucksacks on the seats behind him before he closes the car door before getting in the front seat and starts the engine with his keys as he then leaves the house to take Roderick to his karate class.
Who knows what will benefit Konrad and Roderick to spend more time together as father and son and what development can be learned from Konrad's time at Karate to give him mental confidence boost with wrestling. They reached the karate gym and get their gi's and memberships sorted before doing their first karate class with other kids and parents that are there.
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Talking about SCW and Katie Steward business. Anaheim, California. Saturday 26th May. (Off camera)
It was the day of the one thing he had been avoiding to talk about and walk in the doors of ever since that day he lost the title match against Andrew Raynes, something he was trying to forget, SCW. Of course it did help a bit when it comes to building his family together as he had gotten to spend a lot of time with his family instead of going to SCW arenas as he hadn't even been at the shows as he didn't want to be there with how hostile everyone was at the moment, especially with the Taking Hold Of The Flame rumble coming up.
He already looked on the ground, looking like he didn't want to talk about it at all, being down in the dumps about it the entire time, even to a point of being scared of this Wednesday when he'll show his face for the first time in three weeks, although it had been nice to spend money on his kids and Fizz on treating them to things for once like going to cinema, going to karate lessons, going to Mattheus's races, going to Disneyland in California for the day, even going out for a meal as well.
However despite doing those great things, Fizz knew this would happen on Konrad not even wanting to look at Fizz cos of how mentally he felt about the upcoming match with Katie Steward and although knew he could get in trouble for not showing up at the shows, he didn't really care as he was happier to care for other people than himself as she says this.
Fizz Raab: “Come on Konrad, we must talk about it.”
Konrad Raab: “I don't want to.”
Fizz Raab: “We have to. I know you're still figuring things out on how to be mentally better again, but you are with the things you've been doing with our family. I'm so proud you've spent time with us for once.”
Konrad Raab: “Not only because I wanted to, but because I knew it would keep my mind off the loss of the Adrenaline title match with Andrew and it seems like it has worked, but now I feel depressed because I don't know how wrestlers are going to react when they see a skinny wrestler showing up.”
It was true, Konrad had gotten in extremely dangerous levels of being skinny and barely having any muscles, although he had tried gaining muscle back, but they suddenly drop because he hadn't been eating much if anything at all, a piece of fruit if that as he was struggling not only with eating things, but hygiene wise as well since the loss as Fizz knew it was the hardest loss he's ever had to take for quite sometime. She places her arm around Konrad.
Fizz Raab: “They aren't going to care.”
Konrad Raab: “They will care about me not showing up the last two shows. They will care about me losing to Andrew.”
Fizz Raab: “Well, I can tell you only Andrew has cared about that and he wasn't very ni.........”
Konrad Raab: “Just as I expected. He can trash me all he wants because he's right Fizz, I'm a worthless wrestler that doesn't deserve to be in the business. I don't know if he said that exactly, but I know that's the type of guy he is.”
It was clear that Fizz knew she had to do the curb stomp on his head again at some point today as she knew Konrad would put himself down so very badly when it came to SCW business. It was clear he didn't want to fight Katie Steward, it was even more clear he didn't want to be in the SCW locker rooms or company.
Fizz Raab: “Listen, there's a reason you've been put to face against Katie Steward and it's for that reason of you doubting yourself and they want to help you.”
Konrad Raab: “Being positive and confidence got me fucking nowhere. They landed me back at the bottom and there's no working up from that.”
Fizz Raab: “Do you realize that Katie Steward is in the same situation as well? I mean she had the chance to be a champion last week and she failed. Do you honestly think she wants another title shot? Do you honestly think she's gonna put herself down?”
Konrad Raab: “Am I the only one who can admit losses? Yes, it seems to be like that, but I can't handle it.”
Fizz Raab: “Stop it, you're sounding ridiculous. She has lost a title match as well and you never saw her hiding.”
Of course, it was true Konrad was facing somebody who also was on a losing streak, but cos Konrad hadn't been watching or been at the shows, he doesn't know what happened or what's going on and that's something that now, Konrad had to do regarding his opponent who had been wrestling two weeks ago and he says this.
Konrad Raab: “She lost a title match?”
Fizz Raab: “Yes, she has. Come on babe, pay attention to what's going on around you in SCW. Sure, you've not really shown any care because well, there's nothing for you to care about, but don't you want to get back at An..........”
Konrad Raab: “No because I haven't done a damn thing. I lost Fizz. I tried and I failed and I'll likely fail against Katie as well. What's the point of trying? What's the point of trying to win titles when every time I lose title matches, I end up at the bottom again? I don't want title shots for now.”
Fizz Raab: “I meant in a non-title match.”
Konrad Raab: “Not really cos he'll still find me a fucking joke and not a threat for his belt and he's right, I'm not and I don't know what to do.”
This was where the whole new beating takes places as on Wednesday, Fizz did something to Konrad that was truly not something couples would truly do, choking him and stomping on his head five times and it was clear Fizz was wanting to beat him not because of being angry with him but because of his low self-esteem confidence was at it's lowest and she's about to pounce on him and she gives him one last chance.
Fizz Raab: “Talk about how you're gonna win against Katie Steward.”
Konrad Raab: “I can't beat her, she'll likely kick my ass and allow the world to laugh at me for failing to win matches once again.”
Fizz Raab: “I don't want to hear this shit again and if you do, I'm gonna stomp your fucking head.
Konrad Raab: “I will lose against her because I'm a shit wrestler, there are no two ways about it.”
Fizz Raab: “Oh for fuck sake.”
That was it, Fizz started to hold Konrad by his throat again as he allowed her to beat his chest and ribs area that were very hard punches without being allowed to breathe because this was Fizz's way of beating the lack of confidence out of him, even punching him in the mouth before she lets go off from him, but it doesn't end there as she smashes his head twice against the concrete floor before she curb stomps him four times that were very vicious as she breaths heavily, even collapsing on the bed because they were a lot harder than the beating she gave him on Wednesday.
Konrad was bleeding once again from his forehead being unconscious and took him almost half an hour to get up and when he does, he sees the one thing that scared him more than Fizz beating him down, her collapse. It wasn't anything like that day, it was worse as Konrad was to blame to allow himself to get beaten and Konrad decides to hug her from behind before she moves and says this.
Fizz Raab: “I'm sorry.”
Konrad Raab: “No, I'm sorry you collapsed and made you do that again.”
Fizz Raab: “ You needed to be sent to another place because of how you were. Tell me how your gonna win against Katie Steward?”
Konrad Raab: “Pin her.”
Fizz Raab: “See, I knew my curb stomps on your head actually work. I mean this is better than how you were just now, let's say that.”
Konrad Raab: “I would love for you to beat me like this again before I leave on Monday because I'm gonna need the beating I get before I fall in my old ways again.”
Fizz nods as she knows Konrad was making the right decisions now that while Fizz waits to find a sports psychologist for Konrad to see for working out his doubts he has about wrestling, more so he was frightened of having another title shot again which was why he's thankful he wasn't in the Rumble match this time and he says this while Fizz lays in bed.
Konrad Raab: “I have to find a way of pinning Katie Steward and do it very fast.”
Fizz Raab: “Yes you will because you have to and you have to find the strength to say things like you can, you will defeat Katie in the ring. You also show your face and wrestle too. I want to see you stay at the arena until the end of the show, but I know you're just purely wrestling against her and leave.”
Konrad Raab: “Indeed and I'm only focusing on winning against Katie because there's nothing else blocking my way. I need to win so I don't get anybody laughing at me anymore, I need to win because to get myself back on track and most importantly, I need to win because to show SCW stars, although the match at GOL Super Falcon Cup on Monday that I still care about the company.”
Fizz Raab: “That's better. I want you to stay like this for a long time because although you may think you're lying to yourself on winning and then losing a match, it helps you to feel good, that's what you have to understand.”
Konrad Raab: “Yeah I do now after a beating like that. I needed to be sent to another place to get myself mentally fit again for this match, especially in a situation where it does or die for me, more than ever before.”
Fizz Raab: “That's perfect. Now you get some sleep before you have a shower first thing in the morning because you need to take care of your body you've not been doing very well.”
Konrad nods after Jake told him earlier while they met for a drink of coffee after the karate lesson today that he smelt like he was from the sewer and he had very bad body odour that needed to take action very fast but was far too late at night to do so. He did, however, try to stop the bleeding on his forehead by going to the bathroom and using a tissue to stop the bleeding. Once he does and the bleeding does stop, he went back to bed and hugs Fizz from behind and falls asleep.
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What do I say today youtube.com shoot. (On camera)
“For me, that's the question I've been asking myself all day because of not really knowing what to say when it comes to this match, but before I can even talk about it, I want to talk about things that people need to know. I've been very behind on what's been going on in SCW because I haven't been on the Breakdown or House shows. I've taken the loss against Andrew Raynes so hard that I just shut down with everyone and I truly couldn't go to Breakdown and House shows for everyone to see me in the state I was as I haven't been coping with it very well so I spent time with my family to get my mind off it which has worked to some extent, but now I'm back, I don't know what else can I say other than I lost the title match.
I know my opponent this week also lost a title match recently too, through no fault of her own though as Bill was the one who got pinned in the match, but she still lost and then on top of all of that, her sister lost a title match too with again through no fault of her own with a man known as Xavier Valentine who's known to be quite a legend around here to attack Alexis Quinne to stop Maddy from getting in the ring to interrupt the count so I can't imagine how she's been feeling, but she's also better prepared to beat me than I am, especially she has more guts than I do to compete in the rumble and that's something I give her credit for along with wanting to eliminate someone so badly in the rumble which I wouldn't have that factor if I was in it.
I didn't lie on my reasons for not being in the Rumble match because I truly don't want to be there to win a chance for the SCW World title because I be in the same position of building all that confidence just to end up being crushed again. That's the truth and I'm not gonna twist things to make it sound like I can.
I know some people like Katie Steward can somehow overcome the loss and move on and that's honestly the biggest thing in this match apart from the obvious speed she has over me is that she can beat me as of right now as I do view her as a big threat because of this. I know the whole thing of her wanting to Xander Valentine out of the rumble is the goal for her on top of her quest of winning the TV title that makes her want to win even more.
I believe she can beat me, but there's just something missing with Katie and she has to figure it out. Everyone knows why with me, Owen and everyone else spoke it with volumes, but that's the main problem for me right now I'm battling that I truly cannot bring myself to believe I can win matches. It's what caused me to lose in the first place, but I have to find a way that I can truly make actions work by doing it, not saying it. Instead of bitching about the loss, I will show how frustrated and angry I am by using actions to do anything possible to try and defeat you Katie.
Because I have gone downhill and I truly don't know if I can fix that. It'll be nice to walk away from Breakdown with a win on my side, but I'll simply say wait until you find out what happens on Wednesday night, but I really do hope I don't get myself caught up with Xander attacking me or Katie for that matter because I do want a clean match without interference from him and her manager too as I need to win the match all by myself.
We've may been in the ring together, but as a team than as wrestlers and I'm aware that you're just as much if not more of a threat to me than the other way around because we all know you've won all, but the TV title in SCW so there's something there that you're already known to the SCW audience than I am.
Don't worry about not being respected because I do Katie, despite the downfall with the Trios last year, I do because I've not done better, if so worse than you as you've won titles in SCW and I haven't. I need to find a way to come back as much as I'm tired of doing so but I have a chance to win this match. I have a chance of beating you down and do something to change things around as I would love to have my hand raised as the winner of the match cos I'm still in the mode of saying I don't think I can win against you.
That's something I'm still trying to fight against, but until I actually win a match with my own actions, I refuse to believe in myself right now cos I can't, but however this match is about me and you fighting to our best for the fans who have missed seeing me in action and at autograph signings which I'll arrange four hours of autograph and pic sessions with me during the week cos I need to as much as I need to win this match tomorrow night for the fans where we'll likely tear the house down and only one of us walks out the winner which I like it if it was me, but we'll see come tomorrow night. Prepare to be Iceinated by The Iceman.”
Konrad came to the locker room with his head down, trying to hold back the tears about the loss because it devastated him. He knew he failed and all he did was taking his wrestling gear on, putting on his normal clothes and left the arena straight away before Breakdown even finished. He got in his car and drove back to his home in Tokyo since he only lived forty minutes away from Satima. He parked his car in his own garage and locks it up before he heads back to his home and finds a place in the corner of the room without wanting to turn the lights on and he sits down in the corner of the living room and he cries.
Konrad Raab: “What's the point of me being in title matches if I keep failing every fucking time? I'm sick of the whole picking myself back up garbage people keep saying to me time and time again because that won't fix it. I tried so hard, but it lands me back where I belong, in the losing category.”
At this point in time, Konrad wasn't able to handle a loss very well and it crushed him to another level as he faces directly at the wall in the dark without even caring about the Breakdown event itself. He knew the fans voted for him, but the problem was he felt let down and it sent him into a very deep severe depression.
Konrad Raab: “I lashed out at a lot of people tonight and I feel I can never walk back into those SCW doors. I need time away from SCW for a few weeks to get my head together. I'm done and quit chasing for titles because the fact is, it's no use to me.”
It was of course, down to the argument he had with many SCW was another thing that crushed him as tears are on the floor, even on the walls cos of Konrad at times bashing his head towards it and instead of bitching and complaining on Twitter over a loss, he was bitching at himself for losing. He sees that the decision he made on Twitter was the right one to make.
Konrad Raab: “They wanted me in the rumble and I couldn't do it. I couldn't sign myself up to do something I have no confidence in doing. If I won the title from Andrew tonight, things would've been different. I clearly backed up that I wasn't ready to be in the Rumble match. Trying to run away from it. I will only come back to SCW if I have to.”
Konrad nods as he mostly was beating himself so badly that he started to think of suicidal attempts to himself like checking if he had any weapons in his pocket. Of course he didn't, but however, he starts to bite on his left arm, trying to make himself feel better, to feel pain and suffering he's going through and speaks.
Konrad Raab: “This pain is good to me. It's good to feel pain when you're mentally in pain as it is. There's no use for me to be alive in the wrestling business anymore. If only I could get myself pissed tonight, but I can't cos of travelling to England tomorrow night. Tonight will be the last time they see me SCW backstage because I need to be with my family.”
It was true, Konrad hadn't had any family time with them for quite some time and that's something that could be fixed. It could be fixed that instead of going to the shows every single week, he will be at home with family until he has a reason to be at SCW arenas. Konrad after biting his hand didn't do anything, although he tried to bite his arm in his skin to bleed, all he had was teeth marks, although now because he was crying so much, he had a headache as he speaks.
Konrad Raab: “I'm getting better each time I feel pain whether it's on my arms or my head, it's making the situation feel so much better already. Oh fuck it, I know I shouldn't go out to get pissed, but I'm going to because it's not like SCW stars are going to know, they'll likely stay in Saitama after the show. I'm gonna get hammered tonight.”
Konrad gets up from sitting in the corner of the floor and leaves his apartment to head down to the pub and drinking nothing, but ten pints of beer which by that time, he got himself so pissed that he could barely walk home. He didn't chat to anybody, other than feeling in the dumps and not giving a damn about anything cos he was so severely depressed.
Konrad Raab: “Go ahead and fucking laugh at me for a title loss because I'm a worthless piece of trash wrestler who failed to win a title and fails to win at life in wrestling.”
He was so drunk that he was pissing in an alleyway against the wall for three minutes, thinking negative thoughts of himself being worthless and a loser over and over again while pissing. After that, he walked home so drunk that when he got home, he vomits in the toilet right away, giving no care for himself at all, especially when he didn't even take a shower after the match because it wasn't important for him, but now not only he was smelling of his own body odour, but was smelling of alcohol pretty bad.
He then walks into the bedroom and when he got to his bed, he passes out and hitting his head on the floor pretty hard on the middle of the floor because he was so intoxicated from alcohol that he slept on the floor. He got rid of his hangover by vomiting again in the morning before leaving for England at night.
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Karate lessons talk with his son. Anaheim, California. Saturday 12th May. (Off camera)
Ever since he lost the Adrenaline title match, he's clearly out of his mind, going crazy with his thoughts on his complete lack of self-esteem that hit him clearly really hard and he still hadn't gotten over it mentally as he hasn't been eating very well since the loss of the match, even making himself sick over it as well. Konrad was at a complete loss where he could go with his SCW career now as he always knew there was no point of taking part in the rumble where it was clearly seen Konrad wasn't ready to take part in a match that involves winning a title shot.
However for the first time in a long time, it wasn't about him today as Fizz woke up as so did Konrad who was sitting on his bed, thinking what was said to him last Thursday about his son wanting to do Karate and of course, Fizz knew she wanted him to do something more constructive than feeling bad about the Adrenaline title loss and she says this.
Fizz Raab: “So you going to talk to Roderick?”
Konrad Raab: “Yes, that's exactly why I'm getting up now to have a private word with him.”
Fizz Raab: “I want you to take part in the karate lessons with him.”
Konrad Raab: “Why?”
Fizz Raab: “Because when I looked up Karate, it will boost your self-esteem. You need to do Karate to take your mind off the loss you had with Andrew Raynes as you're still down in the dumps about it.”
Konrad Raab: “Of course I am, wouldn't you be if you worked so hard to earn an opportunity only to fucking fail? I'm a failure at wrestling.”
Fizz Raab: “See, this is why you need to get out of the house and today is a perfect day as I looked up the nearest Karate lessons and they do family Saturday sessions. I can't go obviously, but you need to do them cos Kata they do is something you can learn from.”
Konrad had one session in his life from his parents encouraging him to go, but this was a very different situation as it wasn't Konrad or Fizz's idea this time, it was Roderick's and of course, Fizz knew she wasn't a fan of her kids fighting, even though she and Konrad do themselves, but she treasures her kids more than anything as Konrad asks a question.
Konrad Raab: “What's Kata?”
Fizz Raab: “It's where people do breathing techniques with their arm and feet movements to help them calm down along with working on themselves mentally and that's what you need, something like that to help you be better. Heck, you even said you wanted to spend time with your kids many times.”
Konrad Raab: “I do.”
Fizz Raab: “Then go to Roderick's bedroom, talk about it with him and take him to his karate class and do it with him.”
Konrad nods as Fizz's right, he did want to spend a lot more time with his children and it seemed like today was a perfect day to do so, especially when he'd most likely be at home, crying and hating himself for the Adrenaline title loss. He gets himself changed since he had completely neglected his self-care and leaves the bedroom to go to Roderick's room and knocks on the door. Roderick goes to open the door and says this.
Roderick Raab: “Daddy.”
Konrad Raab: “We need to talk alone, can I come in?”
Roderick Raab: “Yes.”
Konrad closes the door behind him as he could tell the look on Roderick's face on not really knowing what his dad wants to talk about and that he could be in trouble as he asks this while they sit on the bed.
Roderick Raab: “Am I in trouble?”
Konrad Raab: “No.”
Roderick Raab: “What do we need to talk about?”
It was a long pause for a second as he was still trying to get the loss out of his head which was impossible to do and he remembered just now what he wanted to talk to Roderick about and he goes right ahead and discuss it.
Konrad Raab: “Do you remember when you told mummy you want to do Karate?”
Roderick Raab: “Yes.”
Konrad Raab: “Well I have spoken to mummy last week about it. She was unsure because she's worried about you getting hurt. I know what me and mummy do is apart of the sports we're in but I can trust you enough you won't use karate as grounds to start fights.”
Roderick Raab: “Not to start fights. I want to do karate so won't have to fight.”
Konrad Raab: “That's exactly what I wanted to hear. Is it cos your friends are doing it or cos me and mummy fight?”
Roderick Raab: “Because my friends do it and you and mummy fight too.”
That shocked Konrad, for the first time in his life, he could very well have a son following in his or his mummy's footsteps and that got him slightly worried, it was why Fizz got worried as well after hearing that because he didn't want to be a major influence on his kids. Konrad near enough shut down just a moment until Roderick sees Konrad could reject the idea of it as he asks.
Roderick Raab: “Am I not allowed to?”
Konrad Raab: “You are and that's why I'm coming with you to do karate.”
Roderick Raab: “Daddy doing karate too?”
Konrad Raab: “Yes because I want to spend time with you today as I'm your dad and I feel like I haven't done a whole lot of that. I spend too much time wrestling and taking to Mattheus to races that I need to do more things with you.”
Roderick Raab: “YAY, I love you.”
Konrad Raab: “I love you too. Now you get changed and come downstairs for something to eat before we go together.”
Konrad hugged Roderick pretty hard because of how much he treasures his second eldest son who he feels bad not doing anything with very much because of how busy he was and he kisses him as well that he was actually doing something good for once. It wasn't about him or about wrestling as not one single discussion there was about wrestling or Konrad, was about his son wanting to do karate as he grabs Roderick's empty bag because to place their clothes in since they were going to buy gi's and memberships today and he leaves the bedroom to allow Roderick to get himself ready.
Konrad went downstairs and places his and Roderick's rucksacks to the door and places them there before he goes into the kitchen to eat his breakfast as he waits for Roderick to appear and comes downstairs to eat his as well and the day of him spending time with his dad alone without Mattheus around will mean a lot for the pair of them and Roderick says this.
Roderick Raab: “I cannot wait to spend time with you.”
Konrad Raab: “Me either. I need to get out of the house anyway, especially this is a good reason for me that it'll benefit me doing Karate with you as well.”
Roderick Raab: “You can sit and watch me.”
Konrad Raab: “Mummy told me something I need to do in Karate right now and besides, I really want to do Karate with you. It'll make me feel good doing something with you.”
It was at that point that Fizz came down, even if it was a struggle getting down the stairs these days with being very heavily pregnant and needed help to get out of bed at times as she smiles, seeing Konrad and Roderick having time together just from eating breakfast themselves, more so Fizz was happy for Konrad to eat anything at all, even if it's just an apple, still was something going in him and Roderick's eating coco pops and an orange. Once they finished eating, both of them got glasses out and poured orange juice with water in and take them to the dining table to drink as Fizz walks closer and Roderick says this.
Roderick Raab: “Morning mummy.”
Fizz Raab: “Morning, you had a good sleep?”
Roderick Raab: “Yes thank you. Daddy's taking me to Karate.”
Fizz Raab: “Oh I know, so exciting, isn't it?”
Roderick Raab: “Yes, spending time with my daddy is going to be great.”
Fizz goes closer to Konrad who of course overheard everything and tries to hide the disappointment about the match and she whispers in his ear.
Fizz Raab: “Remember it's about Roderick and you, not wrestling and the loss you had with a title match, alright?”
Konrad nods as he receives a kiss on his left cheek from Fizz and she's very careful of what she eats also eats fruit as well, but a banana since she had to be healthy for the twins growing up in her that were nearly close to her giving birth the end of next month. Konrad and Roderick finished drinking their orange juice to place their glasses in the sink and goes towards the front door to pick up their stuff along with car keys and Konrad go into the safe that's locked and secured with a password to get some money before he leaves and Roderick says this while hugging and kissing his mummy as Konrad unlocks the car.
Roderick Raab: “Bye mummy.”
Fizz Raab: “Bye Roderick, be a good boy for daddy and do your best.”
While Roderick gets in the car with his belt on, Konrad wanting to have a bit of a cuddle time with Fizz along with rubbing her stomach and gives her a snog on her lips and says this.
Konrad Raab: “Thank you.”
Fizz Raab: “For what?”
Konrad Raab: “Encouraging me to spend time with Roderick and getting me out of the house. I see you later.”
Fizz waves at Konrad as he leaves the house along with taking rucksacks with them and he closes the door behind him and places the rucksacks on the seats behind him before he closes the car door before getting in the front seat and starts the engine with his keys as he then leaves the house to take Roderick to his karate class.
Who knows what will benefit Konrad and Roderick to spend more time together as father and son and what development can be learned from Konrad's time at Karate to give him mental confidence boost with wrestling. They reached the karate gym and get their gi's and memberships sorted before doing their first karate class with other kids and parents that are there.
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Talking about SCW and Katie Steward business. Anaheim, California. Saturday 26th May. (Off camera)
It was the day of the one thing he had been avoiding to talk about and walk in the doors of ever since that day he lost the title match against Andrew Raynes, something he was trying to forget, SCW. Of course it did help a bit when it comes to building his family together as he had gotten to spend a lot of time with his family instead of going to SCW arenas as he hadn't even been at the shows as he didn't want to be there with how hostile everyone was at the moment, especially with the Taking Hold Of The Flame rumble coming up.
He already looked on the ground, looking like he didn't want to talk about it at all, being down in the dumps about it the entire time, even to a point of being scared of this Wednesday when he'll show his face for the first time in three weeks, although it had been nice to spend money on his kids and Fizz on treating them to things for once like going to cinema, going to karate lessons, going to Mattheus's races, going to Disneyland in California for the day, even going out for a meal as well.
However despite doing those great things, Fizz knew this would happen on Konrad not even wanting to look at Fizz cos of how mentally he felt about the upcoming match with Katie Steward and although knew he could get in trouble for not showing up at the shows, he didn't really care as he was happier to care for other people than himself as she says this.
Fizz Raab: “Come on Konrad, we must talk about it.”
Konrad Raab: “I don't want to.”
Fizz Raab: “We have to. I know you're still figuring things out on how to be mentally better again, but you are with the things you've been doing with our family. I'm so proud you've spent time with us for once.”
Konrad Raab: “Not only because I wanted to, but because I knew it would keep my mind off the loss of the Adrenaline title match with Andrew and it seems like it has worked, but now I feel depressed because I don't know how wrestlers are going to react when they see a skinny wrestler showing up.”
It was true, Konrad had gotten in extremely dangerous levels of being skinny and barely having any muscles, although he had tried gaining muscle back, but they suddenly drop because he hadn't been eating much if anything at all, a piece of fruit if that as he was struggling not only with eating things, but hygiene wise as well since the loss as Fizz knew it was the hardest loss he's ever had to take for quite sometime. She places her arm around Konrad.
Fizz Raab: “They aren't going to care.”
Konrad Raab: “They will care about me not showing up the last two shows. They will care about me losing to Andrew.”
Fizz Raab: “Well, I can tell you only Andrew has cared about that and he wasn't very ni.........”
Konrad Raab: “Just as I expected. He can trash me all he wants because he's right Fizz, I'm a worthless wrestler that doesn't deserve to be in the business. I don't know if he said that exactly, but I know that's the type of guy he is.”
It was clear that Fizz knew she had to do the curb stomp on his head again at some point today as she knew Konrad would put himself down so very badly when it came to SCW business. It was clear he didn't want to fight Katie Steward, it was even more clear he didn't want to be in the SCW locker rooms or company.
Fizz Raab: “Listen, there's a reason you've been put to face against Katie Steward and it's for that reason of you doubting yourself and they want to help you.”
Konrad Raab: “Being positive and confidence got me fucking nowhere. They landed me back at the bottom and there's no working up from that.”
Fizz Raab: “Do you realize that Katie Steward is in the same situation as well? I mean she had the chance to be a champion last week and she failed. Do you honestly think she wants another title shot? Do you honestly think she's gonna put herself down?”
Konrad Raab: “Am I the only one who can admit losses? Yes, it seems to be like that, but I can't handle it.”
Fizz Raab: “Stop it, you're sounding ridiculous. She has lost a title match as well and you never saw her hiding.”
Of course, it was true Konrad was facing somebody who also was on a losing streak, but cos Konrad hadn't been watching or been at the shows, he doesn't know what happened or what's going on and that's something that now, Konrad had to do regarding his opponent who had been wrestling two weeks ago and he says this.
Konrad Raab: “She lost a title match?”
Fizz Raab: “Yes, she has. Come on babe, pay attention to what's going on around you in SCW. Sure, you've not really shown any care because well, there's nothing for you to care about, but don't you want to get back at An..........”
Konrad Raab: “No because I haven't done a damn thing. I lost Fizz. I tried and I failed and I'll likely fail against Katie as well. What's the point of trying? What's the point of trying to win titles when every time I lose title matches, I end up at the bottom again? I don't want title shots for now.”
Fizz Raab: “I meant in a non-title match.”
Konrad Raab: “Not really cos he'll still find me a fucking joke and not a threat for his belt and he's right, I'm not and I don't know what to do.”
This was where the whole new beating takes places as on Wednesday, Fizz did something to Konrad that was truly not something couples would truly do, choking him and stomping on his head five times and it was clear Fizz was wanting to beat him not because of being angry with him but because of his low self-esteem confidence was at it's lowest and she's about to pounce on him and she gives him one last chance.
Fizz Raab: “Talk about how you're gonna win against Katie Steward.”
Konrad Raab: “I can't beat her, she'll likely kick my ass and allow the world to laugh at me for failing to win matches once again.”
Fizz Raab: “I don't want to hear this shit again and if you do, I'm gonna stomp your fucking head.
Konrad Raab: “I will lose against her because I'm a shit wrestler, there are no two ways about it.”
Fizz Raab: “Oh for fuck sake.”
That was it, Fizz started to hold Konrad by his throat again as he allowed her to beat his chest and ribs area that were very hard punches without being allowed to breathe because this was Fizz's way of beating the lack of confidence out of him, even punching him in the mouth before she lets go off from him, but it doesn't end there as she smashes his head twice against the concrete floor before she curb stomps him four times that were very vicious as she breaths heavily, even collapsing on the bed because they were a lot harder than the beating she gave him on Wednesday.
Konrad was bleeding once again from his forehead being unconscious and took him almost half an hour to get up and when he does, he sees the one thing that scared him more than Fizz beating him down, her collapse. It wasn't anything like that day, it was worse as Konrad was to blame to allow himself to get beaten and Konrad decides to hug her from behind before she moves and says this.
Fizz Raab: “I'm sorry.”
Konrad Raab: “No, I'm sorry you collapsed and made you do that again.”
Fizz Raab: “ You needed to be sent to another place because of how you were. Tell me how your gonna win against Katie Steward?”
Konrad Raab: “Pin her.”
Fizz Raab: “See, I knew my curb stomps on your head actually work. I mean this is better than how you were just now, let's say that.”
Konrad Raab: “I would love for you to beat me like this again before I leave on Monday because I'm gonna need the beating I get before I fall in my old ways again.”
Fizz nods as she knows Konrad was making the right decisions now that while Fizz waits to find a sports psychologist for Konrad to see for working out his doubts he has about wrestling, more so he was frightened of having another title shot again which was why he's thankful he wasn't in the Rumble match this time and he says this while Fizz lays in bed.
Konrad Raab: “I have to find a way of pinning Katie Steward and do it very fast.”
Fizz Raab: “Yes you will because you have to and you have to find the strength to say things like you can, you will defeat Katie in the ring. You also show your face and wrestle too. I want to see you stay at the arena until the end of the show, but I know you're just purely wrestling against her and leave.”
Konrad Raab: “Indeed and I'm only focusing on winning against Katie because there's nothing else blocking my way. I need to win so I don't get anybody laughing at me anymore, I need to win because to get myself back on track and most importantly, I need to win because to show SCW stars, although the match at GOL Super Falcon Cup on Monday that I still care about the company.”
Fizz Raab: “That's better. I want you to stay like this for a long time because although you may think you're lying to yourself on winning and then losing a match, it helps you to feel good, that's what you have to understand.”
Konrad Raab: “Yeah I do now after a beating like that. I needed to be sent to another place to get myself mentally fit again for this match, especially in a situation where it does or die for me, more than ever before.”
Fizz Raab: “That's perfect. Now you get some sleep before you have a shower first thing in the morning because you need to take care of your body you've not been doing very well.”
Konrad nods after Jake told him earlier while they met for a drink of coffee after the karate lesson today that he smelt like he was from the sewer and he had very bad body odour that needed to take action very fast but was far too late at night to do so. He did, however, try to stop the bleeding on his forehead by going to the bathroom and using a tissue to stop the bleeding. Once he does and the bleeding does stop, he went back to bed and hugs Fizz from behind and falls asleep.
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What do I say today youtube.com shoot. (On camera)
“For me, that's the question I've been asking myself all day because of not really knowing what to say when it comes to this match, but before I can even talk about it, I want to talk about things that people need to know. I've been very behind on what's been going on in SCW because I haven't been on the Breakdown or House shows. I've taken the loss against Andrew Raynes so hard that I just shut down with everyone and I truly couldn't go to Breakdown and House shows for everyone to see me in the state I was as I haven't been coping with it very well so I spent time with my family to get my mind off it which has worked to some extent, but now I'm back, I don't know what else can I say other than I lost the title match.
I know my opponent this week also lost a title match recently too, through no fault of her own though as Bill was the one who got pinned in the match, but she still lost and then on top of all of that, her sister lost a title match too with again through no fault of her own with a man known as Xavier Valentine who's known to be quite a legend around here to attack Alexis Quinne to stop Maddy from getting in the ring to interrupt the count so I can't imagine how she's been feeling, but she's also better prepared to beat me than I am, especially she has more guts than I do to compete in the rumble and that's something I give her credit for along with wanting to eliminate someone so badly in the rumble which I wouldn't have that factor if I was in it.
I didn't lie on my reasons for not being in the Rumble match because I truly don't want to be there to win a chance for the SCW World title because I be in the same position of building all that confidence just to end up being crushed again. That's the truth and I'm not gonna twist things to make it sound like I can.
I know some people like Katie Steward can somehow overcome the loss and move on and that's honestly the biggest thing in this match apart from the obvious speed she has over me is that she can beat me as of right now as I do view her as a big threat because of this. I know the whole thing of her wanting to Xander Valentine out of the rumble is the goal for her on top of her quest of winning the TV title that makes her want to win even more.
I believe she can beat me, but there's just something missing with Katie and she has to figure it out. Everyone knows why with me, Owen and everyone else spoke it with volumes, but that's the main problem for me right now I'm battling that I truly cannot bring myself to believe I can win matches. It's what caused me to lose in the first place, but I have to find a way that I can truly make actions work by doing it, not saying it. Instead of bitching about the loss, I will show how frustrated and angry I am by using actions to do anything possible to try and defeat you Katie.
Because I have gone downhill and I truly don't know if I can fix that. It'll be nice to walk away from Breakdown with a win on my side, but I'll simply say wait until you find out what happens on Wednesday night, but I really do hope I don't get myself caught up with Xander attacking me or Katie for that matter because I do want a clean match without interference from him and her manager too as I need to win the match all by myself.
We've may been in the ring together, but as a team than as wrestlers and I'm aware that you're just as much if not more of a threat to me than the other way around because we all know you've won all, but the TV title in SCW so there's something there that you're already known to the SCW audience than I am.
Don't worry about not being respected because I do Katie, despite the downfall with the Trios last year, I do because I've not done better, if so worse than you as you've won titles in SCW and I haven't. I need to find a way to come back as much as I'm tired of doing so but I have a chance to win this match. I have a chance of beating you down and do something to change things around as I would love to have my hand raised as the winner of the match cos I'm still in the mode of saying I don't think I can win against you.
That's something I'm still trying to fight against, but until I actually win a match with my own actions, I refuse to believe in myself right now cos I can't, but however this match is about me and you fighting to our best for the fans who have missed seeing me in action and at autograph signings which I'll arrange four hours of autograph and pic sessions with me during the week cos I need to as much as I need to win this match tomorrow night for the fans where we'll likely tear the house down and only one of us walks out the winner which I like it if it was me, but we'll see come tomorrow night. Prepare to be Iceinated by The Iceman.”