Post by Konrad Raab on Sept 12, 2019 9:41:20 GMT
Getting an understanding of the masks and violent dreams. New York City. Friday 19th June (Off camera)
Being in a strange place wasn't exactly something Konrad liked, especially the thought of being inside of a mental facility scared the hell out of Konrad. It wasn't his choice to be here; it was McIntosh who sent the letter to Konrad, stating he has to come down and talk about the mental issues he was dealing. It was clear he watches wrestling; otherwise, why would he contact Konrad to come down?
Konrad was going through a tough period at the moment with losing the rumble match and non-stop dreams of being violent every time he sleeps. It was in a way, a blessing or so Konrad hoped to be that he could get some help for it. He's told once Konrad arrives to remove everything Konrad has and to place them in a bag. He was told to put his masks in the bag as well, but McIntosh then came up to the receptionist named Jeffery, and he says this.
Dr McIntosh: "I told Konrad to bring them with him, trust me, he needs those masks because, without those masks, we can't help him to get him better."
Konrad's shaken up after he saw a man who was in his mid-thirties with glasses and black hair. He saw how gloomy the halls are with them painted in white. As he gave his belongings, including the belt on his jeans, he was given some white overalls which left Konrad confused.
Konrad Raab: "I'm only here as long as you need me, and then I go back home. We made that deal."
Dr McIntosh: "Even patients who are popping in for a day need to put on these clothes. The changing rooms are right over there."
Konrad had to accept if he was going to get any form of help or he thinks he does, he goes into the changing rooms, even with mental facility stuff being there to stop patients doing something terrible to themselves or running away from the place. The facility known as Trinity Institute was a place for mentally ill and criminally insane patients.
He came out of the changing rooms, wearing complete white overalls with no pockets or any logos on the overalls. Only white overalls McIntosh smiles, and he says this.
Dr McIntosh: "Come right this way."
Konrad at this point nods as he was still shaking in fear of the place he's in and right away, McIntosh notices the fear of Konrad with him strolling, his body shaking all over the place and he needed to take that action immediately.
Dr McIntosh: "Take a few deep breaths, Konrad, you're going to be just fine."
Konrad Raab: "These places scare the hell out of me."
Dr McIntosh: "Understandable, but everything is confidential between us like you requested. Come on, let's keep it going. I don't have all day."
Konrad nods and eventually relaxes, especially after the doctor gave him a plastic cup of water for him to drink as they go into a room, covered with only white walls with a couple of chairs and a desk with a folder, stating Konrad's name on it. Konrad walks in, accidentality leaves the door open, but because McIntosh understood Konrad's fears of being in a mental facility, he lets him off and gets up from his desks and closes the door before he sits down and Konrad asks a question.
Konrad Raab: "Why did you contact me to come here?"
Dr McIntosh: "Seems you're very uncertain about this, aren't you?"
Konrad Raab: "Yes."
Dr McIntosh: "I watch wrestling, and I treat patients like Giovanni and James Evans with great care. Then I saw you; I saw the fact that you're looking scared every single time your wrestling in the ring. As we agreed, you don't need group therapy; you tell the world your problems every day, but also because you're a very different kind of patient with problems I've never encountered before."
Konrad Raab: "What makes you think you can help me and the other mental health doctors can't?"
Dr McIntosh: "It's because I'm the best in the country. Yes, I'm aware you're from Germany, but even they can't help you, I can. So, lay these three masks on the table for me."
Konrad nods as he gets the carrier bag of all three of his masks which he lays on the table with McIntosh taking pictures of all three of them, although he looked at the red, green and blue mask as Konrad still was shaken with the idea of being a mental patient for a few hours. McIntosh also writes the masks on paper and McIntosh asks a question.
Dr McIntosh: "Tell me, what do you use these masks for?"
Konrad Raab: "They help me fight. I've tried wrestling many times without masks and I can't. This red, green and blue one here, I need to know more about it before I can tell you what it does to me. The other two I can talk in more detail."
Dr McIntosh: "I understand as yes, I know that's recently just been given to you. So you say you need masks to wrestle, do they have some effect on you?"
Konrad Raab: "A huge amount of effect or at least that's what people say. The white and blue one is the one I use most. It keeps me focused, calm and relax, being myself. The dark blue and black one, it's the one that causes me to be violent because, without this, I can't have the ability to be violent and let loose on my opponents."
Everything Konrad has said to McIntosh; he writes down on paper on Konrad's details as living a life of being mentally ill, crossing the lines in a way to be criminally insane, even if Konrad hasn't broken laws for quite some time now. It still scared Konrad that McIntosh was like a doctor who knew everything, although states he watches wrestling because of two other wrestlers he takes care of.
Dr McIntosh: "What you have is called a Dissociative Identity Disorder where your mind makes up two or more personalities of yourself. Of course, this is different where you feel you have to wear masks to make you feel safe and secure."
Konrad Raab: "I know I need them, especially that Luca attacked me with a knife after I was eliminated at the PPV. He tried to kill me, and he said he would kill Fizz and my family. That's why I can't stay here because if I do, Fizz and my kids die."
Dr McIntosh: "Was that because you didn't wear the masks that you couldn't defend yourself?"
Konrad Raab: "Yes. I need to discuss something that's happening to me at this current time as well as Luca that's driving me crazy."
Dr McIntosh: "I can tell with you not sleeping very well with your eyes and how your body language is. Is that got to do with what you want to discuss?"
Konrad nodded, it was like McIntosh knew everything Konrad was going through without going into much detail, apart from the masks was the only thing he had to go in full detail with and Konrad knew he had the diagnostics of having DID, but didn't know how it could be cured, but straight away, Konrad goes into detail about it.
Konrad Raab: "I haven't been able to sleep for days; every time I lay down in bed, I keep dreaming about being violent and doing violent things. In my dream, Konrad thrives on wanting to be violent and explodes to a point he beats down on people and hurts them. He smiles after the damage is done. I'm scared of losing control of myself."
Dr McIntosh: "You have lost control, you need a lot of help, more than I thought. You should never let those dreams keep you awake at night. You can barely keep awake. You need to sleep."
Konrad Raab: "I've tried, but I can't. What does this mean with these consistent violent dreams, Doc?"
Dr McIntosh: "It means it's going to happen very soon and you have to deal with when it comes out. Problem is you hold back on how you feel unless you wear those masks. With this new one here, it's sending you a message that you need to combine yourself being evil and good."
Konrad shakes his head, the thought of him being evil doesn't go together, it's something that McIntosh paid attention with the change of Konrad's negative body language as he wrote it down, seeing Konrad's afraid of the first one and he speaks up about it.
Konrad Raab: "I don't want to be a bad person."
Dr McIntosh: "That's the problem, you won't accept to have balance in your life as well as your wrestling career. It will only make you angry and sad to a point you'll cry yourself to sleep and start doing things you never thought of doing. I know it's difficult as you never felt or want to be evil, but there are times you have to be evil."
Konrad Raab: "It's tough for me, especially without those masks. These masks motivate me and keep me having a level head or in the case of The Black Ice mask, unleash my anger and put a beating on someone cos I can't do it without that mask as I'd let people walk all over me to tell you the truth. That's why I got beaten badly by Luca.
McIntosh nods, hearing everything Konrad said, and he felt more than comfortable to talk about his mental problems. He has lost himself a lot lately, but he then goes on about The Black Ice mask as he does, while McIntosh writes notes down about Konrad.
Konrad Raab: "Black Ice mask, it's very different to the other two masks, every time I wear it, or I think to wear it, it speaks to me and makes me do things I don't want to do. I do it because it benefits me and helps me unleash power; I will never be able to do without the mask. I'm violent with that on."
Dr McIntosh: "Does it happen right away?"
Konrad Raab: "Yes and I have to have someone take The Black Ice mask off my face to be myself again because the mask or Erik he calls himself won't allow me to do it psychically."
Dr McIntosh: "I see. I think we're having a breakthrough; I know more about you than I did when I watched wrestling. Yes, you have DID. Tell me, Konrad, have you had any incident of being violent towards someone?"
Konrad Raab: "Unfortunately, my mum and Fizz have. Especially I have had Rapid Eye Movement in the past. Sadly, Fizz got hit by me last time I had it, and I've been so fearful it'll happen again. That's another reason why I'm scared to sleep, knowing if I hit Fizz again, I can never forgive myself, despite being asleep and not knowing about it, until Fizz tells me. Likewise, anything I do with The Black Ice, I can't remember anything I've said and done with it either."
At this point, McIntosh allowed Konrad to talk about his issues as it's clear to the doctor, Konrad needed someone to talk to and understand what he's going through, mostly surrounding his personal life, although it does relate to wrestling as well. Another thing that came out was the fact Konrad had been diagnosed with REM before. McIntosh immediately prints out a slip after he writes down everything Konrad's said as gives Konrad a sheet as he says this.
Dr McIntosh: "You need to go back on these pills and take them before you sleep. I will phone Fizz straight after you leave here to remove any sharp objects in the bedroom so you won't fear attacking Fizz. I want you to come back here every single week. It doesn't have to be Friday, can be any day of the week, even Saturdays or Sundays, as long as you phone me up to arrange appointments."
Konrad Raab: "Sorry if I rambled a lot; I needed a mental health doctor to talk to."
Dr McIntosh: "No, don't be because that's what I'm here for, to help you on your road to recovery and for you to talk to see if I can sort the problems out which I can. It's why you don't need group therapy because you're able to talk about your issues; not many people are open about it as you are. I will see you next week."
Konrad Raab: "Want me to bring the masks again?"
Dr McIntosh: "Every single session, especially I want to see how you are with the masks on so I get a wider view of your behaviour with the masks on next week. Also, I will talk to Jeffery to not take them from you. I apologise for that as Jeffery was doing his job, but I should've told him about it. However, whenever you feel Fizz and your family will be safe, I would like for you to stay a week here, but only when you're ready. I'll see you next week."
Konrad shook McIntosh's hand as it's the first time he spoke to a mental health specialist that understood Konrad's issues with everything going on around him in and out of wrestling. It was something he'd come to again, even with how nice McIntosh was to Konrad, although he knew it's going to be challenging the next few weeks, especially the offer of him staying there for a week at some point, but when he feels his family are safe from Luca.
Konrad was given back his clothes, including his belt and goes in the changing rooms to change from his patient clothes to his regular clothes as he comes out ten minutes later to receive the belongings of his wallet, his passport, his flight ticket, his car and house keys and his mobile phone. Konrad takes a quick look at how dark the outside was before leaving the facility for his return next week. Once he arrived back in California, he goes to a local chemist to get his REM medication to help him sleep when he's around Fizz and then gets in his car to head back to his apartment in Anaheim.
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Which mask to wear, Black Ice or Iced Rainbow help. Anaheim, California. Thursday 18th July. (Off Camera.)
Sitting in the reflection/smoking weed room was Konrad Raab, looking at both of the masks of The Black Ice and The Iced Rainbow. While he can't decide on one of those masks, he knew using The Iceman mask was out of the question; he couldn't afford Damian Angel to take advantage of Konrad again. The other two masks are in debate.
He wanted to use Black Ice because of letting that violent streak out like he's been having in his dreams, although with the help of McIntosh, it's decreased a bit and he wanted to use Iced Rainbow mask because it made him a lot more violent and being controlled with it. Konrad needed Fizz's suggestion. He waits for Fizz for a while, even when looking at the masks he has. Fizz then senses something was wrong as she went down. Once she came down, Konrad opens the door and says this.
Konrad Raab: "I need your suggestion here."
Fizz Raab: "With what?"
Konrad Raab: "Between The Black Ice and The Iced Rainbow. I want to wear The Black Ice because I want to let out that violent streak in me and make the fucker busted open. I also want to wear the Iced Rainbow mask because I want to use my violent anger, but I want to control it as well. So you got any ideas on what to choose?"
Fizz Raab: "I think since you're so angry with him, I pick going with The Black Ice. Quite honestly, we don't know much about The Iced Rainbow mask for you to face Damian Angel with it. You shouldn't want or need to be controlled when it comes to Damian Angel, forcing you to lose respect with wrestlers and the fans."
Konrad Raab: "Because Regan, Selena, Glory, all those people have already lost faith in me and honestly, I don't think I can get their respect back, certainly not with Regan. I know she wants a piece of me, and I fully accept that because I face the consequences of what I've done to her. I didn't defend myself because I deserved those hits and kicks from Regan. I needed her to pound my head in to get my head straight again."
Fizz nodded, it was a good thing for Konrad to fight Regan, even if he wishes for Regan to stop trashing Fizz and his kids all the time who have nothing to do with Regan or the wrestling business. Fizz also says this to him.
Fizz Raab: "I understand, and you took those hits like a man would do because you felt you deserved it. Anyway, I think the decision with the mask you wear to face against Damian should be your choice, although I do feel you're more violent and aggressive with Iced Rainbow. Just look at what you did to Damian."
Konrad Raab: "He's got another thing coming to him on Sunday. No, I will not be attending a Hall Of Fame ceremony that will celebrate my opponent's achievements in SCW. I refuse to see him until I get my hands on him in the ring on Sunday. I've saved my anger up until this point, and I'm going to pound his face in non-stop, and fucking enjoy every minute of it. Also, I won't feel bad for not showing up because I want to be selfish for a bit."
Fizz Raab: "That's what I want to hear. I have to say this, but our kids are concerned about you getting hurt. All, but Sebastian are afraid of you getting hurt by Damian Angel."
Sebastian was a new member of the Raab household after going through all the fights with courts for almost a year as they managed to get the paperwork done quickly after winning the court case and managed to bring him a new home in America, although Sebastian had to get to know Fizz's dad rapidly.
Konrad Raab: "They know I will be fine. I will beat the living shit out of him, teaching him a thing or two not to play games with me again."
Fizz Raab: "I disagree; you benefited a lot from all of this. You became more violent, you were more controlled, and you certainly thought a lot more about yourself. Also, you learned to be more selfish and more of yourself. Anyway, I think you should go with Iced Rainbow, one hundred per cent."
Konrad nodded, although he sees a very different look of Fizz's face and her body language like she didn't want to get close to him. Konrad asks a question.
Konrad Raab: "Something tells me from the look of your eyes; you are afraid of me, right?"
Fizz Raab: "I won't lie to you, but you do scare me a lot. Don't get me wrong, using violence was something you had to do, but I think when you get violent as you did, you become a danger to yourself and everyone around you."
Konrad Raab: "That's why I'm stuck on these Rapid Eye Movement tablet to prevent myself from doing that to you again, but I will never harm you and our kids."
Fizz Raab: "You say that now, but what if you lose control? What if you do explode on our children because you've noticed our kids being naughty or when you disagree with someone over something?"
Konrad took note; its clear Fizz was worried about Konrad turning into a complete lunatic in the wrestling business and wondered if he was capable of doing them without the masks. Konrad responds with this.
Konrad Raab: "Do you honestly think I can be that angry without the mask?"
Fizz Raab: "You got a good point, stupid me to ask, but I'm telling you to be careful of Damian and when and where you put your masks on in front of our children because I don't you anywhere near them when you wear them."
Konrad Raab: "What about when I'm training with Sebastian?"
Fizz Raab: "The Iceman one, yes, wear that when your training Sebastian but The Black Ice and Iced Rainbow masks should never be anywhere near our children because I don't want to see them being attacked by their father because of your inability to control yourself."
It got Konrad a little angry when he was told he could attack their children with The Black Ice and Iced Rainbow masks. Konrad got a bit of a debate about it with Fizz, and he says this.
Konrad Raab: "What on earth makes you think that? Of course, I will never wear wrestling masks in front of our kids, except training sessions with Sebastian on Iceman mask. I'm not that bad, I would, of course, stay away from our kids, but I understand you want to protect them. So do I with Luca still likely to be running around, getting out of the court case deal."
Fizz Raab: "I'm worried he's going to get away with what he's done to you."
Konrad Raab: "Same here, but not if I'll do something about it when they invite me to court to speak up everything he said about me and you. I've kept the letters as evidence and get that fucker locked up for life and finally, bring our kids home. I'm still pissed off we can't have them home cos of that prick."
Fizz Raab: "But you will be invited and put up a valid case that if Luca gets away with it, we'll move somewhere else. The good thing is in case that happens; we got a house in building progress at the moment. Yeah, I managed to find a good spot in Portland, Maine, for us to live as one big family."
Konrad nods, it was brilliant of Fizz to think that far ahead to get a house made in Maine, even though it was far away from everything, but it's considered to be the safest state in America, a state that never had any problems with weather and a place where no wrestler lives and especially, a place where Luca wouldn't be able to find Konrad and his family to kill them.
Konrad Raab: "Not only that, but us renewing our wedding vows is something else we need to do. We got all the stuff; we need to arrange everything to send to our family and friends, doing the wedding the way we wanted to, instead of it being in a rush and letting new friends and family into the wedding."
Fizz Raab: "I'm glad you've not forgotten about that. I can't wait to remarry you, but we do that after either Luca gets put in jail or we move to Portland, Maine. We won't move there or sell this house until everything in that house is done and until we know the status of Luca being put in jail or not."
Konrad Raab: "Luca's got a court order to stay away from us for a while, but how long will that last? Anyway, I'm going with The Iced Rainbow mask as he'll less likely predict the other two and the ones he's beaten me with in the past, and I'm going to outdo the past by me beating the living shit out of Damian Angel and win."
Fizz Raab: "That's my Iced Rainbow."
Fizz gave Konrad a big hug and a kiss as he had to leave right now actually after he checks the time of his clock as he goes upstairs and unzips his bag to pack his Iced Rainbow and his Iceman gear as he has to wrestle elsewhere on Monday in the bag and zips it up before he takes the fully packed hand luggage, along with taking his passport, his wallet, his credit card, his car and house keys, his phone, his I-Pod and a Tai Chi book with a DVD as apart of his mental workout, along with his kata karate. He places all of the items in a bag before shouting to Fizz.
Konrad Raab: "See you, Tuesday Fizz. Love you."
Fizz Raab: "I love you too."
They say bye in the background as Konrad heads straight to LAX airport with his case and hand luggage with stuff in the case as he manages to catch his flight straight to Dallas, Texas which is a place Konrad loves to visit due to their cowboy roots of the country, especially he loves his western movies.
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The Iced Rainbow Konrad Raab side: Time to give you a violent beatdown you deserve, Damian youtube.com shoot. (On camera)
"Exactly what the title of my video is today. The entire time Damian was controlling me, I was learning a lot about myself, learning how I should become a bit more selfish and be myself. Also not letting anybody judge me for being honest. Damian, you have no idea how much of an advantage you've given to me now you've sparked up the iced rainbow in me. All this time, I guess you could say I used you to improve on myself.
Your head games to me worked in a way cos it did bother me a lot to get booed out of the building cos I was following your orders. I see why you are the devil to manipulate me, which I admit, you're very good at. You may consider me being weak and a backstabber, but you are a backstabber as well, using me to target Regan and Selena just because you couldn't be bothered to attack them yourself. You honestly think you would have me join Eden or Wonderland, didn't you?
No you son of a bitch, everything I ever thought or said to you, it was when I was ready to strike on your ass. I'm sick and tired of you calling me weak every single time we ever interacted. I got fed up of your shit; I got fed up of attacking the wrong people like Regan who wants another match with me, despite me allowing her to beat the fuck out of me because I was facing the consequences like a man should when he knows he did her wrong.
Something I know you will never have the guts to do. I deserved that ass-kicking from Regan, but you never thought I could be violent, did you? Nobody did, but I had it all pent up for the last four years to a point, I exploded. I couldn't sleep for days because I hated the thought of it. Did it feel good to beat the shit out of you Damian? Damn, right it did. Go ahead, call me weak, call me a backstabber, but remember you've been a backstabber your whole life.
I outplayed your game; I can now say thanks to you, I'm exploding iced rainbows all over your god damn body, witnessing a brutal beat down nobody in SCW has ever seen, not even the times of when I was The Black Ice. I've made myself to become a dangerous threat in SCW because of you. I will enjoy making that win you have over me last year at the PPV disappear to pieces.
You are scary and intimidating individual, but now with my controlled anger with this Iced Rainbow mask, it's made me a better wrestler, and that will be done when I defeated you in the ring tomorrow night at Dallas, Texas which is going to be the end of your career, even when you are a threat to beating once again, but only this time, I'm better and stronger than I was before and this time, you are going to have a lot of problems, controlling an violent, out of control wrestler who will do anything it takes to win.
I will be the last man standing of our match because I learnt from the mistakes I made last time we've fought and you damn right, I'm not repeating them because every punch, kick and throw I'll do to you, will be gaining and earning respect right back to SCW fans and the wrestlers themselves backstage.
I will cause you to bleed to a point you won't be setting foot in SCW anymore. I will make you tap out because that's how much you've pissed me off. Go ahead Damian, bring everything you have towards me because I will not be running, you will when you'll be surprised out of the park when not only I will win, but just the amount of anger energy I have when I'm in the ring beating you down. Tomorrow night in Dallas, Texas in front of the entire world, prepare to be Iceinated by The Iced Rainbow when you'll tap out like a little bitch you are with me rising to greatness with my hand rised as the winner of our match."
Being in a strange place wasn't exactly something Konrad liked, especially the thought of being inside of a mental facility scared the hell out of Konrad. It wasn't his choice to be here; it was McIntosh who sent the letter to Konrad, stating he has to come down and talk about the mental issues he was dealing. It was clear he watches wrestling; otherwise, why would he contact Konrad to come down?
Konrad was going through a tough period at the moment with losing the rumble match and non-stop dreams of being violent every time he sleeps. It was in a way, a blessing or so Konrad hoped to be that he could get some help for it. He's told once Konrad arrives to remove everything Konrad has and to place them in a bag. He was told to put his masks in the bag as well, but McIntosh then came up to the receptionist named Jeffery, and he says this.
Dr McIntosh: "I told Konrad to bring them with him, trust me, he needs those masks because, without those masks, we can't help him to get him better."
Konrad's shaken up after he saw a man who was in his mid-thirties with glasses and black hair. He saw how gloomy the halls are with them painted in white. As he gave his belongings, including the belt on his jeans, he was given some white overalls which left Konrad confused.
Konrad Raab: "I'm only here as long as you need me, and then I go back home. We made that deal."
Dr McIntosh: "Even patients who are popping in for a day need to put on these clothes. The changing rooms are right over there."
Konrad had to accept if he was going to get any form of help or he thinks he does, he goes into the changing rooms, even with mental facility stuff being there to stop patients doing something terrible to themselves or running away from the place. The facility known as Trinity Institute was a place for mentally ill and criminally insane patients.
He came out of the changing rooms, wearing complete white overalls with no pockets or any logos on the overalls. Only white overalls McIntosh smiles, and he says this.
Dr McIntosh: "Come right this way."
Konrad at this point nods as he was still shaking in fear of the place he's in and right away, McIntosh notices the fear of Konrad with him strolling, his body shaking all over the place and he needed to take that action immediately.
Dr McIntosh: "Take a few deep breaths, Konrad, you're going to be just fine."
Konrad Raab: "These places scare the hell out of me."
Dr McIntosh: "Understandable, but everything is confidential between us like you requested. Come on, let's keep it going. I don't have all day."
Konrad nods and eventually relaxes, especially after the doctor gave him a plastic cup of water for him to drink as they go into a room, covered with only white walls with a couple of chairs and a desk with a folder, stating Konrad's name on it. Konrad walks in, accidentality leaves the door open, but because McIntosh understood Konrad's fears of being in a mental facility, he lets him off and gets up from his desks and closes the door before he sits down and Konrad asks a question.
Konrad Raab: "Why did you contact me to come here?"
Dr McIntosh: "Seems you're very uncertain about this, aren't you?"
Konrad Raab: "Yes."
Dr McIntosh: "I watch wrestling, and I treat patients like Giovanni and James Evans with great care. Then I saw you; I saw the fact that you're looking scared every single time your wrestling in the ring. As we agreed, you don't need group therapy; you tell the world your problems every day, but also because you're a very different kind of patient with problems I've never encountered before."
Konrad Raab: "What makes you think you can help me and the other mental health doctors can't?"
Dr McIntosh: "It's because I'm the best in the country. Yes, I'm aware you're from Germany, but even they can't help you, I can. So, lay these three masks on the table for me."
Konrad nods as he gets the carrier bag of all three of his masks which he lays on the table with McIntosh taking pictures of all three of them, although he looked at the red, green and blue mask as Konrad still was shaken with the idea of being a mental patient for a few hours. McIntosh also writes the masks on paper and McIntosh asks a question.
Dr McIntosh: "Tell me, what do you use these masks for?"
Konrad Raab: "They help me fight. I've tried wrestling many times without masks and I can't. This red, green and blue one here, I need to know more about it before I can tell you what it does to me. The other two I can talk in more detail."
Dr McIntosh: "I understand as yes, I know that's recently just been given to you. So you say you need masks to wrestle, do they have some effect on you?"
Konrad Raab: "A huge amount of effect or at least that's what people say. The white and blue one is the one I use most. It keeps me focused, calm and relax, being myself. The dark blue and black one, it's the one that causes me to be violent because, without this, I can't have the ability to be violent and let loose on my opponents."
Everything Konrad has said to McIntosh; he writes down on paper on Konrad's details as living a life of being mentally ill, crossing the lines in a way to be criminally insane, even if Konrad hasn't broken laws for quite some time now. It still scared Konrad that McIntosh was like a doctor who knew everything, although states he watches wrestling because of two other wrestlers he takes care of.
Dr McIntosh: "What you have is called a Dissociative Identity Disorder where your mind makes up two or more personalities of yourself. Of course, this is different where you feel you have to wear masks to make you feel safe and secure."
Konrad Raab: "I know I need them, especially that Luca attacked me with a knife after I was eliminated at the PPV. He tried to kill me, and he said he would kill Fizz and my family. That's why I can't stay here because if I do, Fizz and my kids die."
Dr McIntosh: "Was that because you didn't wear the masks that you couldn't defend yourself?"
Konrad Raab: "Yes. I need to discuss something that's happening to me at this current time as well as Luca that's driving me crazy."
Dr McIntosh: "I can tell with you not sleeping very well with your eyes and how your body language is. Is that got to do with what you want to discuss?"
Konrad nodded, it was like McIntosh knew everything Konrad was going through without going into much detail, apart from the masks was the only thing he had to go in full detail with and Konrad knew he had the diagnostics of having DID, but didn't know how it could be cured, but straight away, Konrad goes into detail about it.
Konrad Raab: "I haven't been able to sleep for days; every time I lay down in bed, I keep dreaming about being violent and doing violent things. In my dream, Konrad thrives on wanting to be violent and explodes to a point he beats down on people and hurts them. He smiles after the damage is done. I'm scared of losing control of myself."
Dr McIntosh: "You have lost control, you need a lot of help, more than I thought. You should never let those dreams keep you awake at night. You can barely keep awake. You need to sleep."
Konrad Raab: "I've tried, but I can't. What does this mean with these consistent violent dreams, Doc?"
Dr McIntosh: "It means it's going to happen very soon and you have to deal with when it comes out. Problem is you hold back on how you feel unless you wear those masks. With this new one here, it's sending you a message that you need to combine yourself being evil and good."
Konrad shakes his head, the thought of him being evil doesn't go together, it's something that McIntosh paid attention with the change of Konrad's negative body language as he wrote it down, seeing Konrad's afraid of the first one and he speaks up about it.
Konrad Raab: "I don't want to be a bad person."
Dr McIntosh: "That's the problem, you won't accept to have balance in your life as well as your wrestling career. It will only make you angry and sad to a point you'll cry yourself to sleep and start doing things you never thought of doing. I know it's difficult as you never felt or want to be evil, but there are times you have to be evil."
Konrad Raab: "It's tough for me, especially without those masks. These masks motivate me and keep me having a level head or in the case of The Black Ice mask, unleash my anger and put a beating on someone cos I can't do it without that mask as I'd let people walk all over me to tell you the truth. That's why I got beaten badly by Luca.
McIntosh nods, hearing everything Konrad said, and he felt more than comfortable to talk about his mental problems. He has lost himself a lot lately, but he then goes on about The Black Ice mask as he does, while McIntosh writes notes down about Konrad.
Konrad Raab: "Black Ice mask, it's very different to the other two masks, every time I wear it, or I think to wear it, it speaks to me and makes me do things I don't want to do. I do it because it benefits me and helps me unleash power; I will never be able to do without the mask. I'm violent with that on."
Dr McIntosh: "Does it happen right away?"
Konrad Raab: "Yes and I have to have someone take The Black Ice mask off my face to be myself again because the mask or Erik he calls himself won't allow me to do it psychically."
Dr McIntosh: "I see. I think we're having a breakthrough; I know more about you than I did when I watched wrestling. Yes, you have DID. Tell me, Konrad, have you had any incident of being violent towards someone?"
Konrad Raab: "Unfortunately, my mum and Fizz have. Especially I have had Rapid Eye Movement in the past. Sadly, Fizz got hit by me last time I had it, and I've been so fearful it'll happen again. That's another reason why I'm scared to sleep, knowing if I hit Fizz again, I can never forgive myself, despite being asleep and not knowing about it, until Fizz tells me. Likewise, anything I do with The Black Ice, I can't remember anything I've said and done with it either."
At this point, McIntosh allowed Konrad to talk about his issues as it's clear to the doctor, Konrad needed someone to talk to and understand what he's going through, mostly surrounding his personal life, although it does relate to wrestling as well. Another thing that came out was the fact Konrad had been diagnosed with REM before. McIntosh immediately prints out a slip after he writes down everything Konrad's said as gives Konrad a sheet as he says this.
Dr McIntosh: "You need to go back on these pills and take them before you sleep. I will phone Fizz straight after you leave here to remove any sharp objects in the bedroom so you won't fear attacking Fizz. I want you to come back here every single week. It doesn't have to be Friday, can be any day of the week, even Saturdays or Sundays, as long as you phone me up to arrange appointments."
Konrad Raab: "Sorry if I rambled a lot; I needed a mental health doctor to talk to."
Dr McIntosh: "No, don't be because that's what I'm here for, to help you on your road to recovery and for you to talk to see if I can sort the problems out which I can. It's why you don't need group therapy because you're able to talk about your issues; not many people are open about it as you are. I will see you next week."
Konrad Raab: "Want me to bring the masks again?"
Dr McIntosh: "Every single session, especially I want to see how you are with the masks on so I get a wider view of your behaviour with the masks on next week. Also, I will talk to Jeffery to not take them from you. I apologise for that as Jeffery was doing his job, but I should've told him about it. However, whenever you feel Fizz and your family will be safe, I would like for you to stay a week here, but only when you're ready. I'll see you next week."
Konrad shook McIntosh's hand as it's the first time he spoke to a mental health specialist that understood Konrad's issues with everything going on around him in and out of wrestling. It was something he'd come to again, even with how nice McIntosh was to Konrad, although he knew it's going to be challenging the next few weeks, especially the offer of him staying there for a week at some point, but when he feels his family are safe from Luca.
Konrad was given back his clothes, including his belt and goes in the changing rooms to change from his patient clothes to his regular clothes as he comes out ten minutes later to receive the belongings of his wallet, his passport, his flight ticket, his car and house keys and his mobile phone. Konrad takes a quick look at how dark the outside was before leaving the facility for his return next week. Once he arrived back in California, he goes to a local chemist to get his REM medication to help him sleep when he's around Fizz and then gets in his car to head back to his apartment in Anaheim.
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Which mask to wear, Black Ice or Iced Rainbow help. Anaheim, California. Thursday 18th July. (Off Camera.)
Sitting in the reflection/smoking weed room was Konrad Raab, looking at both of the masks of The Black Ice and The Iced Rainbow. While he can't decide on one of those masks, he knew using The Iceman mask was out of the question; he couldn't afford Damian Angel to take advantage of Konrad again. The other two masks are in debate.
He wanted to use Black Ice because of letting that violent streak out like he's been having in his dreams, although with the help of McIntosh, it's decreased a bit and he wanted to use Iced Rainbow mask because it made him a lot more violent and being controlled with it. Konrad needed Fizz's suggestion. He waits for Fizz for a while, even when looking at the masks he has. Fizz then senses something was wrong as she went down. Once she came down, Konrad opens the door and says this.
Konrad Raab: "I need your suggestion here."
Fizz Raab: "With what?"
Konrad Raab: "Between The Black Ice and The Iced Rainbow. I want to wear The Black Ice because I want to let out that violent streak in me and make the fucker busted open. I also want to wear the Iced Rainbow mask because I want to use my violent anger, but I want to control it as well. So you got any ideas on what to choose?"
Fizz Raab: "I think since you're so angry with him, I pick going with The Black Ice. Quite honestly, we don't know much about The Iced Rainbow mask for you to face Damian Angel with it. You shouldn't want or need to be controlled when it comes to Damian Angel, forcing you to lose respect with wrestlers and the fans."
Konrad Raab: "Because Regan, Selena, Glory, all those people have already lost faith in me and honestly, I don't think I can get their respect back, certainly not with Regan. I know she wants a piece of me, and I fully accept that because I face the consequences of what I've done to her. I didn't defend myself because I deserved those hits and kicks from Regan. I needed her to pound my head in to get my head straight again."
Fizz nodded, it was a good thing for Konrad to fight Regan, even if he wishes for Regan to stop trashing Fizz and his kids all the time who have nothing to do with Regan or the wrestling business. Fizz also says this to him.
Fizz Raab: "I understand, and you took those hits like a man would do because you felt you deserved it. Anyway, I think the decision with the mask you wear to face against Damian should be your choice, although I do feel you're more violent and aggressive with Iced Rainbow. Just look at what you did to Damian."
Konrad Raab: "He's got another thing coming to him on Sunday. No, I will not be attending a Hall Of Fame ceremony that will celebrate my opponent's achievements in SCW. I refuse to see him until I get my hands on him in the ring on Sunday. I've saved my anger up until this point, and I'm going to pound his face in non-stop, and fucking enjoy every minute of it. Also, I won't feel bad for not showing up because I want to be selfish for a bit."
Fizz Raab: "That's what I want to hear. I have to say this, but our kids are concerned about you getting hurt. All, but Sebastian are afraid of you getting hurt by Damian Angel."
Sebastian was a new member of the Raab household after going through all the fights with courts for almost a year as they managed to get the paperwork done quickly after winning the court case and managed to bring him a new home in America, although Sebastian had to get to know Fizz's dad rapidly.
Konrad Raab: "They know I will be fine. I will beat the living shit out of him, teaching him a thing or two not to play games with me again."
Fizz Raab: "I disagree; you benefited a lot from all of this. You became more violent, you were more controlled, and you certainly thought a lot more about yourself. Also, you learned to be more selfish and more of yourself. Anyway, I think you should go with Iced Rainbow, one hundred per cent."
Konrad nodded, although he sees a very different look of Fizz's face and her body language like she didn't want to get close to him. Konrad asks a question.
Konrad Raab: "Something tells me from the look of your eyes; you are afraid of me, right?"
Fizz Raab: "I won't lie to you, but you do scare me a lot. Don't get me wrong, using violence was something you had to do, but I think when you get violent as you did, you become a danger to yourself and everyone around you."
Konrad Raab: "That's why I'm stuck on these Rapid Eye Movement tablet to prevent myself from doing that to you again, but I will never harm you and our kids."
Fizz Raab: "You say that now, but what if you lose control? What if you do explode on our children because you've noticed our kids being naughty or when you disagree with someone over something?"
Konrad took note; its clear Fizz was worried about Konrad turning into a complete lunatic in the wrestling business and wondered if he was capable of doing them without the masks. Konrad responds with this.
Konrad Raab: "Do you honestly think I can be that angry without the mask?"
Fizz Raab: "You got a good point, stupid me to ask, but I'm telling you to be careful of Damian and when and where you put your masks on in front of our children because I don't you anywhere near them when you wear them."
Konrad Raab: "What about when I'm training with Sebastian?"
Fizz Raab: "The Iceman one, yes, wear that when your training Sebastian but The Black Ice and Iced Rainbow masks should never be anywhere near our children because I don't want to see them being attacked by their father because of your inability to control yourself."
It got Konrad a little angry when he was told he could attack their children with The Black Ice and Iced Rainbow masks. Konrad got a bit of a debate about it with Fizz, and he says this.
Konrad Raab: "What on earth makes you think that? Of course, I will never wear wrestling masks in front of our kids, except training sessions with Sebastian on Iceman mask. I'm not that bad, I would, of course, stay away from our kids, but I understand you want to protect them. So do I with Luca still likely to be running around, getting out of the court case deal."
Fizz Raab: "I'm worried he's going to get away with what he's done to you."
Konrad Raab: "Same here, but not if I'll do something about it when they invite me to court to speak up everything he said about me and you. I've kept the letters as evidence and get that fucker locked up for life and finally, bring our kids home. I'm still pissed off we can't have them home cos of that prick."
Fizz Raab: "But you will be invited and put up a valid case that if Luca gets away with it, we'll move somewhere else. The good thing is in case that happens; we got a house in building progress at the moment. Yeah, I managed to find a good spot in Portland, Maine, for us to live as one big family."
Konrad nods, it was brilliant of Fizz to think that far ahead to get a house made in Maine, even though it was far away from everything, but it's considered to be the safest state in America, a state that never had any problems with weather and a place where no wrestler lives and especially, a place where Luca wouldn't be able to find Konrad and his family to kill them.
Konrad Raab: "Not only that, but us renewing our wedding vows is something else we need to do. We got all the stuff; we need to arrange everything to send to our family and friends, doing the wedding the way we wanted to, instead of it being in a rush and letting new friends and family into the wedding."
Fizz Raab: "I'm glad you've not forgotten about that. I can't wait to remarry you, but we do that after either Luca gets put in jail or we move to Portland, Maine. We won't move there or sell this house until everything in that house is done and until we know the status of Luca being put in jail or not."
Konrad Raab: "Luca's got a court order to stay away from us for a while, but how long will that last? Anyway, I'm going with The Iced Rainbow mask as he'll less likely predict the other two and the ones he's beaten me with in the past, and I'm going to outdo the past by me beating the living shit out of Damian Angel and win."
Fizz Raab: "That's my Iced Rainbow."
Fizz gave Konrad a big hug and a kiss as he had to leave right now actually after he checks the time of his clock as he goes upstairs and unzips his bag to pack his Iced Rainbow and his Iceman gear as he has to wrestle elsewhere on Monday in the bag and zips it up before he takes the fully packed hand luggage, along with taking his passport, his wallet, his credit card, his car and house keys, his phone, his I-Pod and a Tai Chi book with a DVD as apart of his mental workout, along with his kata karate. He places all of the items in a bag before shouting to Fizz.
Konrad Raab: "See you, Tuesday Fizz. Love you."
Fizz Raab: "I love you too."
They say bye in the background as Konrad heads straight to LAX airport with his case and hand luggage with stuff in the case as he manages to catch his flight straight to Dallas, Texas which is a place Konrad loves to visit due to their cowboy roots of the country, especially he loves his western movies.
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The Iced Rainbow Konrad Raab side: Time to give you a violent beatdown you deserve, Damian youtube.com shoot. (On camera)
"Exactly what the title of my video is today. The entire time Damian was controlling me, I was learning a lot about myself, learning how I should become a bit more selfish and be myself. Also not letting anybody judge me for being honest. Damian, you have no idea how much of an advantage you've given to me now you've sparked up the iced rainbow in me. All this time, I guess you could say I used you to improve on myself.
Your head games to me worked in a way cos it did bother me a lot to get booed out of the building cos I was following your orders. I see why you are the devil to manipulate me, which I admit, you're very good at. You may consider me being weak and a backstabber, but you are a backstabber as well, using me to target Regan and Selena just because you couldn't be bothered to attack them yourself. You honestly think you would have me join Eden or Wonderland, didn't you?
No you son of a bitch, everything I ever thought or said to you, it was when I was ready to strike on your ass. I'm sick and tired of you calling me weak every single time we ever interacted. I got fed up of your shit; I got fed up of attacking the wrong people like Regan who wants another match with me, despite me allowing her to beat the fuck out of me because I was facing the consequences like a man should when he knows he did her wrong.
Something I know you will never have the guts to do. I deserved that ass-kicking from Regan, but you never thought I could be violent, did you? Nobody did, but I had it all pent up for the last four years to a point, I exploded. I couldn't sleep for days because I hated the thought of it. Did it feel good to beat the shit out of you Damian? Damn, right it did. Go ahead, call me weak, call me a backstabber, but remember you've been a backstabber your whole life.
I outplayed your game; I can now say thanks to you, I'm exploding iced rainbows all over your god damn body, witnessing a brutal beat down nobody in SCW has ever seen, not even the times of when I was The Black Ice. I've made myself to become a dangerous threat in SCW because of you. I will enjoy making that win you have over me last year at the PPV disappear to pieces.
You are scary and intimidating individual, but now with my controlled anger with this Iced Rainbow mask, it's made me a better wrestler, and that will be done when I defeated you in the ring tomorrow night at Dallas, Texas which is going to be the end of your career, even when you are a threat to beating once again, but only this time, I'm better and stronger than I was before and this time, you are going to have a lot of problems, controlling an violent, out of control wrestler who will do anything it takes to win.
I will be the last man standing of our match because I learnt from the mistakes I made last time we've fought and you damn right, I'm not repeating them because every punch, kick and throw I'll do to you, will be gaining and earning respect right back to SCW fans and the wrestlers themselves backstage.
I will cause you to bleed to a point you won't be setting foot in SCW anymore. I will make you tap out because that's how much you've pissed me off. Go ahead Damian, bring everything you have towards me because I will not be running, you will when you'll be surprised out of the park when not only I will win, but just the amount of anger energy I have when I'm in the ring beating you down. Tomorrow night in Dallas, Texas in front of the entire world, prepare to be Iceinated by The Iced Rainbow when you'll tap out like a little bitch you are with me rising to greatness with my hand rised as the winner of our match."